It's official. I am NOT smarter than a fifth grader.

So, school is back in session. It's only been one week and two days and I've already needed a Botox session to wipe away my stress lines. (Now if I could just squeeze in a hair appointment to cover the entirely new section of gray that has started to sprout up in places it never did before.) My kids are now in second and fifth grade. So after doing a full day's work at the office, I must go home and muddle my way through elementary math, science, social studies, and reading for two children. (Two children who would much prefer to be playing outside or watching an episode of their favorite Nickelodeon television show rerun for the 37th time.)

Thank god my husband is good at math and science. As a communications professional, reading, grammar, and English related subjects are a piece of cake for me. But math and science are a whole different story. I am finding already that I am of no assistance to my fifth grader. Just looking at a word problem makes me sweat. And we haven't gotten close to the chapter that will involve a protractor. I am embarassed to admit that I don't remember half of that gobbledy gook they are covering in fifth grade! I'm not sure how long I can keep up the charade in front of my son, who will soon figure out that not only can I NOT help him with some of his homework, but the reason I can't is because I haven't used or needed that information in 20 years! If he finds that out, it will further reinforce his belief that becoming a professional skateboarder is the most logical career choice and his time would better be spent doing kick flips in the backyard then wasting his time on homework. I'll have to figure out a way to keep up the ruse.

On an unrelated, stream of consciousness note, my new nanny is working out great! Her car died yesterday (muy malo) but she made it to work today. When I asked her in my best broken Spanish how she got to my house she answered proudly, "I lease Toyota Corrolla. No dinero, pero goooood credit!" God bless America.